Borderline Personality Disorder

 

This is probably what I've lived  denying  for the last 2 years but it's 2025 and I have to embrace my whole self. Welcome to one of my most vulnerable writings.

I have BPD - a physical embodiment of separation anxiety and abandonment trauma/issues. You have no idea how insane this disorder makes me feel every single day.  Hard enough as all that is, then you add in my personal life problems, school issues, a dire need to have a solid, kind romantic relationship , all that while I watch myself spiral in 3rd person.

Sometimes, the hardest battle is choosing to survive when every memory tries to break you. Diaries of a Borderline is a tribute to those moments we keep fighting, even when the world feels too heavy. This journey is raw. You say to yourself that you've moved on from certain life experiences but then it's 3 am and you've a puffy nose . It's on a random Saturday and you get erratic emotions and you end up texting him. You always think because you're not easy to love they'll love you harder but you end up pushing them away. You have hard time understanding normal people and normal relationships . You broke up three years ago and even if you feel nothing, you feel it completely.

With BPD, you can go from feeling like someone is your entire world to feeling like they don’t care about you at all, in the span of a second and  the constant battle between craving connection and pushing people away because you’re terrified they’ll leave first.

No wonder I’m already exhausted the second I open my eyes every single morning.